Nobody Is Perfect

Alex knew when she was wrong, while it very rarely happened, even she could make a mistake. Unfortunately for Alex whenever the rare transgression occurred it was never a small matter. Alex had been more than a jerk to poor John who quite honestly had the right to mock the mating habits of penguins. Who was that guy? Apparently even creepers can be extremely good looking, who knew?

John had been creative in his attempts to apologize, Alex had to step up her game. A home-cooked meal of his favorite food, enchiladas, would work but it would be a lame attempt indeed. She needed to be sweet, apologetic and perhaps a little bit vulnerable. He would have no choice but to accept her apology then; he never could kick her while she was down, a trend she hoped to continue.

The idea came to her after one too many google searches, she would make him a craft. She would paint him a new margarita glass of apology. The man loved his margaritas. Alex was a terrible artist but it was thoughtful, the man didn’t have a chance. Friendship repaired.

 

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Looking for Answers

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Patience, patience had become John’s greatest virtue. No matter how many times he cleaned, cooked, or begged Alex had not relented. It took two weeks for her to finally give in and utter a complete sentence in John’s direction.

Alex knew she was being absurd, she knew she had overreacted to his friendly teasing. She knew that it had been extreme to dump all that water all over him. Alex was well aware that not speaking to him for two weeks while they shared an apartment was borderline cruel. But in the end she found she couldn’t help herself, she was hurt. So very hurt with no idea as to why it had hurt, much less how she could go about expressing it.

Today Alex had spoken to him, her best friend, she couldn’t remember the last time she had gone that long without speaking to him.

As she sat alone in her room in utter silence she understood she needed to find the answer, what made it hurt so much?

Men can dust too

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Alex was mad, extremely mad, if  John was going to be honest with himself he would admit that she was livid. Livid enough that for the past three days she had given him the silent treatment, she had not spoken a single word to him since the “incident”. It wasn’t that he hadn’t ticked off a woman before, quite the opposite actually, but he hadn’t ticked off a woman who he lived with since he lived with his mother in high school.

Back then all he had to do to get back in her good graces was clean the house. It didn’t seem particularly logical but it was the best idea he had come up with so far. Maybe, just maybe, Alex would start speaking to him again if she came home to a sparkling, dust free apartment after work. Smiling to himself he believed he had figured it out, maybe living with a woman had given him a newfound sense of understanding. Precious information that perhaps he should share with his fellow man.

Several hours later; after all the scrubbing, dusting and vacuuming he could muster Alex walked in from work.

“Nice try”, was all she said as she sailed into her bedroom. John couldn’t help but to shout in return, “at least I got you to talk to me”!

The Laughing Seal

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Stumblin’, Rumblin’, and Bumblin’ John came tumbling out of his room onto Alex’s feet. Laying on his back John looked up and saw the look of pure annoyance of Alex’s face.

“Tell me Mr. Boxerman were you listening in on my date”?

John tried, tried earnestly to keep a very serious and straight face. It didn’t work as he burst out laughing, “tell me grand chef were you and your date having a serious conversation about the mating habits of penguins”?

Alex only glared at John as he literally rolled around on the floor laughing. How dare he invade her privacy by spying on her date. How dare he make fun of her date and their private conversation after spying on them, who did he think he was?

John was oblivious to the growing anger coming from Alex’s direction. She was quickly becoming furious, if possible, steam would be shooting out of her ears at that moment. John was laughing so hard that he was turning beet red and began to sound like a seal after one too many drinks. He was lost in a sea of laughter.

Alex seized the opportunity; she walked over to the sink and filled the largest glass she could find with ice cold water. With a look of pure determination Alex casually walked over to where the seal was still laughing on the floor and dumped the entire glass of water across his body.

Ninja-style

John had told Alex that he was going to sit in his room; watch sports on his laptop with his headphones and a beer. He said he would leave her completely alone until her two hours were up, then he was going to brazenly stroll into the living room wearing only his boxers. John reminded himself that’s what he should do. In theory, was differentvastly different, than in reality.

John could not help himself as he slid off of his bed ninja-style and made his way towards the door. He had never witnessed Alex on a date, and it was really her fault for bringing him to their apartment, he had to listen in. Creeping up to the door John made sure not to make a single noise, he then pressed his ear to the door and waited; focusing all of his attention so that he could make sense of the muffled voices.

John stopped, he sat back from the door, after what he had just heard he couldn’t decide if he was shocked or just incredibly confused. If he was not mistaken the two of them were discussing the mating habits of penguins. Flustered he moved back towards the door to listen again, surely he must have not heard them correctly.

Pressing his ear closer he heard nothing, not a single sound. His mind began to race, he was both confused and increasingly concerned for Alex’s well being, who was that guy? Suddenly a click and he knew it was too late as he went tumbling forward, landing on Alex’s feet.

Could it be an underwear party?

The two roommates began an intense staredown, neither one of them backing down. The tension was palpable, two strong wills locked in an epic battle.

“You invited a date to our apartment, obviously with enough time to prep a grand dinner and now this is my problem? You forgot to mention this to me at some point, any point during the week, I have news for you friend, this is your problem”.

Before Alex even had the opportunity to respond their argument was interrupted by the sound of someone knocking on the door. They were trapped, there was no way John could get out now, Alex entered the stage that came after desperation.

“Name your price, name anything, heck even take the metaphorical blank check if you will please just silently hide in your room for the next two hours”

John did not respond immediately, he took his time, enough time to make Alex nervous, “I am going to grab a couple of beers and I can watch the game on my laptop; but if he is not gone in exactly two hours I am coming out of my room wearing only my boxers. That is a promise”.

What if?

Alex had to admit John looked really good when he left on his date. Better than he had looked in a while, he had always been a good looking man but he had gone the extra mile.

It was driving her crazy, she barely paid any attention to PS I Love You, her favorite sap fest of all time. Just who was this chick that John had spent so much time prepping to impress? Better yet why had he failed to even mention here prior to tonight? What was John hiding, they told each other everything?

 

“Oh my god, what if he brings her home tonight”?!

THE HORROR.